And Maybe,
by the lola
Summary: 'It's like she sews him together without even trying. Maybe it's selfish of him, to pull her into his hole of depression and alcohol induced haze, but she's just everything he's wanted but everything he's scared of.' Sirius wants to be drunk with Marlene forever.


**Word Count: **1,041

**Challenge/Competition: **Gift-Giving Extravaganza

**Prompts: **Sirius/Marlene

**Warnings: **A lot of mentions of alcohol, a lot of drinking of alcohol, if that counts as a warning...

**Disclaimer:** I don't claim to own Harry Potter, it's all JKR's.

**Note: **So I want to say that this is when Sirius and Marlene are 18, and this is AU, as if the first wizarding war never happened and Marlene never dies so early. This is set at Marlenes house. **  
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This fic is for the lovely **glowing neon (Sylvia), **I do hope you like it! I'm sorry if it's not quite up to standard but I've never written these two before, or this era, for that matter. I'm nervous, but please enjoy :)

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Grabbing a bottle and jumping up onto the small table, she knocks several gulps of the amber liquid down her throat as he watches, both intoxicated and mesmerized. She dances to the non-existent music and throws her head around wildly, her long caramel waves tossing around behind her.

Grinning subconsciously, he edges closer to her. It's as if she's something he shouldn't touch, he shouldn't look at, he shouldn't even be near – she's too good and too pure for him. Well, she was. Now? Maybe he'd rubbed off on her. Although, he couldn't say he minded. Right now, the alcohol is enough to keep him from worrying, but not enough to keep him from doing something stupid like forgetting she isn't his and is never going to be.

"Want some?" she says breathily, her table-top twirling coming to an end to Sirius' disappointment.

Breaking out of his daze, he replies with an utterance of, "Uh, yeah, go on then." Before grabbing for the bottle rather hastily and drinking as much as he can. He pretends not to notice as she watches him intently.

Silence blankets them as they drink and she dances and he watches and she watches him and they each pretend they don't notice the other at all. Sometimes talking makes things' too hard or too real, sometimes talking doesn't fix anything. Sometimes, all he needs to be fixed is a drink with Marlene, and it holds him together until he falls apart again and he just has to do it all over.

He knows that one day it won't be enough, that this is just glued together and she is that glue, so when she realises what he is and she leaves, he's going to crumble. And nothing is going to stop the deterioration. It's like she sews him together without even trying. Maybe it's selfish of him, to pull her into his hole of depression and alcohol induced haze, but she's just everything he's wanted but everything he's scared of.

The nights are okay because Marlene can twirl to the music that doesn't exist and sing silly songs whilst charming him with her airy smiles, even if they don't talk – which they rarely do – it's okay, because silence can be comfortable and it is between them. But the days are just the most terrible thing because Sirius is parading around and trying to be okay, he's trying to accept that he has to live without her because he's Sirius and she's _Marlene _– she'd never want him_._ Everything loses its splash of colour without the alcohol to lend its assistance and Marlene to lend her brightness.

"I wish I understood," she says quite clearly, considering her drunken state.

Slightly startled by the speech he wasn't expecting and being suddenly dragged from his deep thought, he waits a few seconds for his brain to start working properly and generate a reply. "Hm?" Is all he manages.

"You just seem to have a lot of pain… I don't know," she trails off, sliding on the sofa next to him with heavy lidded eyes.

Involuntarily his eyebrows shoot up, although he's not sure why. He always wanted her to _talk_ to him, but not like this. "I'm fine," he states, blankly, edging closer to her.

"You're lying," she replies simply.

And so the night runs away with them and the drink flows through their veins, his blood becomes alcohol and he tells her all about his family, the burden they cause and the constraints they tie around him even though he's long gone from them. There are some things he can't forget, he says, and his family are one of those things.

When sleep is about to overcome them both as they lie next to each other across her sofa, legs and hands laced, his whole truth finally slips. What alcohol can keep, sleep apparently cannot. The many time abandoned words tumble out of his mouth before he can stop them, and he almost runs away or throws up or _dies_ because he doesn't know what his feelings are like in reality.

Love is a lot scarier when it's real. Sirius feels like over this night, Marlene has held him up to the light and seen straight through him. Maybe she'd been able to do it this time – hold him together on purpose. The seconds after his feelings fall from his mouth are the worst torture he's ever experienced because he just _knows _– he's not enough, he's never been enough, he never will be enough, she never will be his.

She's the only girl that scares him and that his how he knows what he feels. It takes few words to charm a girl into bed with him, but never has he even tried to charm Marlene because he's just Sirius and she's _Marlene_and she's perfect.

Finally, she turns to him. Her glassy blue eyes literally pierce his soul, and this time she doesn't pretend to be watching him. She stares, and she looks him completely up and down, allowing herself this. So he does the same, he drinks her in and admires every part of her for the thousandth time. What he wants to do is a risk, but there's been no runaway and no objections so far, his feelings are spilled already so how could things get any worse?

It's now or never, he supposes.

So he leans in, originally aiming to go in slowly, but finds hands in his hair and a desperate kiss being planted on his lips. Marlene digs her nails into his scalp, sending little shocks of painful pleasure through his entire body, she's pulling him as close as she possibly can and his thoughts are absolutely blurred. This is what he wants – all he wants. She is everything; he sees it more than ever now. They pour their tension into each other, heavily breathing as they barely come up for air, and he feels her smile against his lips.

Maybe they don't need alcohol to be Sirius and Marlene. Maybe she doesn't need to dance without music to sparkle. Maybe she holds him together just being Marlene. Maybe they don't have to pretend anymore.

Nothing's certain except the fact that he loves her.

"I love you," she says between kisses.

And she loves him.

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**AN- **As always, please don't forget to review/favourite - it means so much, and I love to hear what you all have to say. Who knows? Maybe you'll drop me a review and I'll reply and we can become best of friends!

I hope you all enjoyed this, it was fun to write. Lots of love. X


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